I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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