I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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