just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
