You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
