I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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