Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
