weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
