the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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