She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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