that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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