dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
either way he was missing a nipple.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
