He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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