Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
