Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
