New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
