I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
