She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
