I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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