so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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