well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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