I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
