I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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