dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
