i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
