Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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