And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
