Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
