Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
