This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
