I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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