I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
