so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
