not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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