we have pet lesbian snakes
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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