So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
