I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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