Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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