you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize