You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
