why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
