Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
