I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
