I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
