i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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