I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
