the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
