pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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