I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
