i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize