discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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