I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
