Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My dick has a subreddit
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize