Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
