i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
