these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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