We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
