why do cheetos always look like penises
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
