I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize