did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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