remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
