i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
