Ambien. No doubt about it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize