So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
