Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
