i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I need a burrito and a hug.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
