I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I can text with my tongue
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
