Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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