Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize